It started off as a typical first day of school: the professor, standing in front of the class, described the syllabus, class expectations, and homework as we all tried to keep our eyes open, no longer used to waking up and hitting the books. I had no idea that a discussion of excused versus unexcused absences would become the highlight of my day.
The professor (who shall remain nameless) prefaced his joke by saying a colleague of his had sent him a really funny story he wanted to share with the class. While I wanted to give him a chance by keeping an open mind about this supposedly humorous anecdote, apprehension had already begun to creep in as I wondered if this would be one of those academic jokes that no one outside the field (and sometimes even those within it) finds funny.
He proceeded to relate the joke, trying to repress his smile: apparently there is a spike in deaths of grandmas around exam time, so he informed us he would not be accepting that as an excused absence. While he probably expected a roar of laughter, a wave of silence enveloped the room as students looked at each other, puzzled and somewhat offended. I turned to my suitemate and whispered, "What is he talking about? Is that supposed to be funny?" His smile fell slightly as he tried to explain the "joke" to us, and while that got a few forced giggles, the more common response was surprise at his insensitivity. What if someone's grandma really had recently died? The subject was too sensitive to be joked about.
The intent of the joke was to establish an incongruity between the gravity of death and the frequency and ease with which students purportedly implement this excuse. Furthermore, the professor hoped to elicit a positive psychological shift in the students by starting off with a somber situation (death of a loved one) but then making us realize that no one's grandma had actually died and it was just an excuse triggered by the doom of an impending exam. While this shift did occur - we did realize that he was kidding - it certainly was not pleasant. Being so close to my grandma myself, I was upset that he would try to make such an emotionally painful situation so light. Furthermore, it was difficult to grasp this shift: it took students far too long to realize he was joking, perhaps because he didn't change his intonation or manner of speaking. While incongruity usually causes laughter, in this case the disparity between the seriousness of the issue and the intended lightness of the message and response was too great to be comical: instead, it became inappropriate and offensive, and the only thing that got killed was his joke. In other words, there's a fine line between the amusing and offensive when it comes to incongruity. Perhaps we should think more before cracking a joke if we don't want to be faced with deafening, disheartening, DEATH-like silence.
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